Lance Manion

Personal Bio

I was raised in Black Earth Wisconsin, just outside Madison.

My father made a fortune developing dyable polymer coloring additive solutions for spray coating formed plastic office chairs. My mother ruined her liver as a trophy housewife pounding down the beers we're so famous for. While the varnish has worn off that trophy, she’s a hell of a bridge player and the O’Douls at least let’s her pretend.

I'm a complete and utter failure in the eyes of my parents. I've done basically nothing, which chaps them to no end. I've got three Masters Degrees from the University of Wisconsin, but when my dad realized I was becoming a career student, he pulled the plug on that.

I've had an illustrious career as a short order cook, learning my craft first at Lazy Tony’s Brews and Burgs, honing those skills at a Hooter’s and finally becoming the lead Char cook at Max & Erma's. I've spent time in the package handling industry, I've worked in domicile relocation, and other than that, I've generally laid around.

Still though, my parents never got pissed enough to cut me off, so that was cool.

I ended up here when I hitched a ride with a "Shipping" company out of San Diego. I was inspired to move on after having been stopped by the local constable at an inopportune time. I happened to have been speeding while carrying particular products that some folks in authority frown on. That and my 14 outstanding traffic tickets and my future prospects were bumming me out.

Anyway, I jumped ship at the Cook Islands with a case of Kesslers, a case of Hamm's and 3 cartons of Pall Malls. Nobody on my case out here. Weathers decent, beaches are nice. Worst part is I can't keep the damn beer cold!

Hopefully these clowns from CBS leave a couple mini fridges behind.